I thought I could do it all. I’m me, I’m invincible, I can handle it. I won’t quit, I will just stay up later, work harder, strive more, 110% until I succeed. There is a breaking point, but I’m so strong. I will just keep pushing that point further and further away. Especially because of how hard I’m training and because I want to succeed so badly.
Well sometimes we hit that breaking point.
Mine happened sometime late Saturday night over the weekend and I didn’t even see it coming.
I simply didn’t want to get out of bed. And then I didn’t want to run. I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t even care. With Barkley less than 3 weeks out, my biggest most important runs are timed for this weekend. I missed my workouts, simply slept through them. Laid around instead of running. The dream slipping away ever so silently.
I wasn’t injured, but I was surely tired. I wasn’t necessarily broken in physical sense due to training, but the sheer volume and workload I’ve chosen to take on has slowly worn me down. A well timed withdrawal from caffeine accelerated the decline. I could no longer stimulate my way past the energy load that my body was attempting to sustain. I just needed to be broken. But I’m not defeated.
Once I took a deep breath and walked back away from the ledge of defeat, I took a proverbial “look around”. And what did I see? I saw again my dream, my goal not too far off in the distant future. The day of reckoning will come and it will pass. And I will be ok. I will give it my all and have the confidence of my training behind me and I will work damn hard to reach that goal. I’ve not been defeated, I’ve just been in need of seeing that goal again of again feeling the hunger to reach for my dream. And oh how I’m hungry.
In close I’ll share the week that brought be to my breaking point. It’s not a holistic picture of the weeks of training before this or a log of the other stressors or life activities that surely affect my entire workload, but it is visual picture of what I’ve been doing in preparation.